So, me and Rich/Phil decided we couldn't face the long, dark winter without a single dose of cool car therapy so we agreed on a long pilgrimage up to the wilds of Birmingham for the Classic Motor Show at the NEC. I was half-tempted to drive but both being train drivers it seemed daft not to exploit the wonderful (and heavily discounted, lol) public transport system of our fair Isle, the wonder of the civilised world. Well, it was in Victorian times anyway. Sadly it hasn't improved much since...
Original plan was to get one of our own trains from Brighton up to St Pancras and walk along to Euston and a Virgin (or whatever they're called this week) to Brum International. First failure, rail replacement buses along the South coast so I had to drive to Brighton anyway. Then it turns out ours aren't going to St Pancras, the tunnel's shut for maintenance. OK, London Bridge and then the Tube, then? Nope, Northern Line has works on it. ****S sake.
Oh, well, Victoria's nice and it gave me a chance to have a righteous breakfast of soss an hegg muffins under the Golden Arches before a Tube hop to Euston. Shared a fag break with George Stephenson, father of the railways, in the depressing rainswept quad outside Euston (he didn't say much, he's only a statue) and listened to the conversations of fellow early travellers (mostly in Russian, some Arabic, some African) before we finally managed to find a seat that wasn't reserved on a Virgin going north. Set off from home at half five a.m, arrived in Brum at about ten.
Bloody railway, awful way to travel. Who the hell would do it? They recently discovered the grand Doric Arch that used to front Euston. It had been dumped in a dis-used lock. Says it all really.
Anyway, next year I'll be driving up, especially if I have to go on a Sunday again. But we're not here to grumble about how rubbish the railway is, we're here to look at cool cars. Having walked the eight miles or so through the NEC complex from the station to the one door that seemed to give access to the show hall, we were separated from twenty one and a half Earth pounds for the privilege. Any musings as to whether it would be worth it were dismissed as soon as we got through the giant sliding doors. Bloody hell, this thing's humongous! Even better, cos it's halfway through the last day, they're giving the show guide programmes away gratis instead of charging another £7.50 for them. Cool beanz
We decided the best thing was to progress around in a sensible, orderly pattern so as not to miss stuff. Within seconds that had gone out the window as my magpie-like attention was irresistably snaffled by some shiny things...
Yep, the funky money-no-object brushed stainless of the Delorean Owner's Club stand. Lovely.
Funnily enough, there were a LOT of signs pleading with people not to touch the cars because it's a nightmare to get fingerprints off. Needless to say, people ignored these utterly. Pity the poor Delorean owner, lol. Maybe that's why there were only two cars on the stand, or maybe all the others just broke down en route
Dents like that must be enough to make a grown man cry, as well. Not like you can skim some pug on and blow it over. Note how the doors hang at different angles and heights to each other here, too. That's common...
but I love these cars, for all their faults, for all the poor build quality, for all that they have an asthmatic Volvo/Renault lump hanging out of their rear end, for all that you need to know in advance which of those excellent one-off wheels is going to get a puncture because they're different sizes front and rear...
...I love them because they're utterly mad, bonkers, unique, funky, and funded by a coke-peddling, fund-embezzling, Thatcher-scamming, Belfast-rejuvenating, GMC-baiting lunatic, which is beyond cool in anyone's language, and we will not see their like again! Plus, they were styled so well by Giugiaro that they still look futuristic even whilst they've become hopelessly dated, and that's a hell of a trick to pull off.
Apparently, something happens at 88mph but I'm not sure what
Just over the way from the Deloreans was the Lotus OC stand, presumably to commiserate with each other about having to take the engine out to swap headgaskets or ancilliary belts. Some lovely cars from Colin's fenland works had managed the trip though, like this racing Excel apparently sponsored by Taittinger Champagne. Which clearly is properly cool
A white Esprit. Hmmm, wonder why the owner chose the reg plate...
I've always thought the Elan 2+2 was slightly awkward stylistically but there weren't any of the "normal" two seat dropheads so this'll have to suffice
Not even sure what the collective noun for Lotusses... errr, Lotii...umm... is.
So that was it, by now our tactic of following a sensible pattern around the stands was hopelessly in tatters as Rich/Phil stumbled upon a whole tranche of old Fords. That was him for the next long while. The first bit of Blue Oval heaven came in the shape of the Cortina club, featuring such gems as this Jeff Uren-modified 3 litre V6 Savage
You know you've arrived when you can put your name on the bonnet of a car you've built without having to buy individual eBay stick-on chrome letters to do it. Uren was building fast Fords before the invention of eBay anyway
Not sure if the wonky Shelby stripes are deliberate on this pick-up
A properly Life on Mars type Cortina in period 40-Marlboro Lung Brown
Crocodile boots not pictured
This Lotus Cortina had some interesting modifications. I like the backbox induction housing, perhaps the most obvious touch
It was impossibly clean inside and out, as evidenced by the mirrors underneath to show the underside just as immaculate as the top
Just because race car doesn't mean you can't have a wood veneer dash
By now we were helplessly lost in a sea of Fords, going back into time from the Cortinas to Pops
Some of which were clean restos, some in need of a bit of work. We all like a good bit of patination though, don't we?
These are the cars that people actually drove when I was little. It's funny that they're Classics now. Of course, at the time we all lusted after exotica, just like now, but somehow you always take for granted what's right under your nose. At the time, you see old Zephyrs
on every street corner and they were just part of the scenery. By the time the Sierra reared its ugly head they were gone, and now it actually gives you a nice warm feeling to see one and think "blimey, and old Zephyr. What happened to them all". Of course, the same can now be said of Sierras as well, and there's probably a lesson there to appreciate what you've got now before it's gone or some such. Any car marque is only a finite thing, and once they're gone, they're gone for good. Anyway, here's another nice Zephyr lol
and some Zodiac details, just so as not to neglect the other big Ford from back in the day;
Was it really named after a serial killer of the time?
Ford Prefect, besides being an apparently innocuous name for someone from the planet Betelgeuse to adopt, was a funny dumpy little thing with slightly awkward curves even back in the day. A bit like Roland from Grange Hill.
In which case, the obvious thing to do is smash its doors in with burnt orange metallic and pinstriping and period touches like a mahoosive sun visor. Like Roland in a tutu, then, but they'd both get attention.
Rich/Phil was in hog heaven once we reached the Granada stand, since he's a serial Granny owner.
I could never afford one back when they were expensive, and I can't afford one now they're an appreciating classic. Back when I was at 6th form college I had a mate with a 2.8 v6 I used to blag lifts in. When my only transport had pedals, it seemed grossly unjust but there's always a kid like that in class, I suppose. Not jealous. Not at all.
In case you didn't know, styled by Ghia, lol
The Blue Oval and Stella, go together like... well, like wife and beater, I suppose (this is a joke, in no way to be taken as a mission statement. Or advice)
This granny seemed to be stuffed full of Edelbrock v8, which can hardly be a bad thing. I wish we'd had more time, for all sort of reasons, not least of which being I'd have then been able to read through people's build history files. There's a few weeks reading in this show, y'know
Quality wingnut, lol
Moving ever forward in time now, we came to a new generation of performance Fords. First up, the Sapphire Cosworth. Incredibly clean, this burgundy beast goes a long way to upset the long-held adage that four doors is two too many
I mean yeah, we'd probably all take an RS500 given the choice, but this is a 2-litre YB turbo after all and that's none too shabby whatever it's shoving around
Not sure if red ones are faster or not...
"Impossibly clean" is an oft-used cliche when discussing show cars, but this Escort Cossie was some sort of paradigm of that very cliche.
...after all, you need to be confident in your detailing skillz to have it up in the air with mirrors to show off the underbody. It looks like it's never been driven, simply breathtaking.Whether that's a sad thing or not is up to you, I guess
"that" whaletail in full, lol
