Brighton Speed Trials PICS!

[Lucky]

So the draw of the Speed Trials for me is the eclectic range of vehicles you see there. Yeah, broadly speaking its bikes and cars but you see everything from a 1930s Douglas with exposed valve gear to a turbocharged Hayabusa, and from a1920s Bentley to a brand new Aventador. Short of the Festival of Speed I can't think of many events that boast such a smorgasbord of competition machinery from all eras. A handicap system keeps the classes balanced and like all the best street events, the venue is a great leveller. Stupid power is of little use if it's going to tie your chassis in knots and bounce you through the straw bales into the picturesque Victorian ironwork. It's also your humble correspondent's dream subject for thread creation, cos all I have to do is bung up a series of random photo essays on some of the more interesting vehicles, in no especial order, and it pretty much writes itself. we'll just celebrate the most English of events, basically a proper old skool hillclimb that just happens to be held on the flat and features the best British tradition of shed-modifying sometimes quite inappropriate old machines to go wayyyyyy beyond their intended performance envelope. So just a quick pause while I pour myself a Magners, and we'll begin...


Let's start on a high, shall we? One of my favourite cars ever, as much for what it represents as for it's gorgeous styling. And it represents a glorious and revered old British marque coming out of its coma fighting. Like Steven Seagal, only with a more convincing beard. Admittedly the styling is Italian (Zagato), the engine is Yank (the ubiquitous LSx in Camaro flavour) and the car was actually built as a Perana in Seffrica... but it's now badged and sold as an AC so that makes it Brit. So there. Continuing the long-held British tradition of finding bits of the world, sticking our flag in them and calling them British despite all evidence to the contrary. Anyway, it's downright bloody beautiful so that makes up for a lot











And from the sublime to the ...well, lets just say another famous old British marque. How about a Hillman Avenger Tiger? Damn, you're right, this was American too. Or at least originally modified from an Avenger Super by the Chrysler Competitions Centre. Hmmm, this isn't going so well, is it? Let's just be content to celebrate the marvellous cross-polination of global marque identities instead, shall we? Anyway, this particular Tiger (ggrrrrr) was genuinely in show-winning presentation and looked like it ought to be on a rotating chrome plinth in a museum rather than giving it Larry down the prom at Brighton. Immaculate. Awesome







Ok then, here's a nice example of a glorious British Marque resurrected ...oh no, dang. This one's a Volkswagen isn't it? I have to say, I always get hypnotised by the light units on the new Continental GT. They're soooooooo pretty, lol. From the side this thing looks like a pouncing cougar (no, not that sort) and given its ridiculous performance stats it really oughtn't seem as slow as it did. Which only really puts some of the machinery around it into some kind of performance perspective. There really are some quick cars here





Ahhh, something British at last. This beautifully-prepped Cortina MkII is a regular. Shame about the V8 lump, at least from the "Britishness" of our attempted theme... More of a shame it alarmingly tore out some of it's rather important suspension locating mounts and spent a lot of the day sadly stranded by the startline





Thank God! Something that fits in with the opening premise at last! Not that you really need to modify a C-Type to go fast too much. They did used to win Le Mans, after all. Sayers' stunning aerodynamic curves are as fresh now as they were half a century ago



...rather like on its younger sister. This old dude has campaigned this same E-Type at the Speed Trials every year since the mid-70s. Nuff respect for that, and it's a nice feature that there's such continuity attached to the event



Right, I'm happy now I've substantiated my claims of this being like an English tea party with cars... sort of like Le Déjeuner sur l'herbe only with Annabella Lu Win instead of some French tart... now I'm happy careering around the automotive globe. Since we're namechecking Édouard Manet, how about something slightly Gallic? Gotta love a nice Alpine A110, and here are two. Bonus. Bit out of their comfort zone, since outright straightline speed was never what these little rally weapons were about.

I was wandering around with The Boy, who wanted to know why the blue car had these funny little barbel teeth things sticking out like a wide-mouthed carp. I told him they must be the bumper mounts but the owner had taken the bumper off. At this point some crusty old Major-from-Fawlty-Towers type stopped to contemptuously point out they never had bumpers as standard. As if I was a retard. I politely asked what they were for then, and he pretended to be deaf and stalked off, disgusted with my ingorance. Conrad (the Boy) thought him very odd, and he's usually far more forgiving than I am. So imagine his surprise when we found a yellow example with very much intact bumpers mounted to the little barbel things...

Honestly, if you're going to be an ignorant old fool, at least have the decency to be accurate







Just as unique styling, just as French, just as zany and almost as Alpine, though perhaps more Renault, the GTA is not quite like anything else. This is a Good Thing





Being not like anything else isn't really something you can accuse a 350Z of, since it's kinda like a Japanese Audi TT. But that's not necessarily a bad thing either. And taste is a personal thing, so we won't comment on the modifications boasted by this example. Suffice to say the owner was lot older than I would have guessed from looking at it. A lot older



300ZX was just as challengingly modified as its younger sister, though this time in paintscheme rather than styling. You wouldn't lose this in a car park, lol. Mind you, the iconic light panel is untouched, and that's often one of the first things to go when people mod these for some reason. I love them, they remind me of Sinclair ZX81 keyboards (ask your dad)



I don't know if this lovely Porsche 356 coupe is genuine (guess not, huh?) but it's certainly a lovely car in its own right and looks proper with its Carrera Panamerica liveries





Quite a different kettle of rally liveried Porsche was this flatnose 911. Chatting to the owner was quite amusing, he had that slightly wild eye of true motorsport loonies the world over. I can't remember the figures, but the power and torque this thing developed was prodigious. The home-modded siamesed intercooler setup speaks volumes about the petrol-powered hell this thing can unleash. I commented that it was an outright blunt instrument and the driver just giggled approvingly





This Allard J2 is another regular of the Speed Trials, and another clasic example of the hallowed Brit hillclimb car. It's been modded over decades by the owner in a manner Sydney Allard would no doubt approve of, since he always wanted the most engine with the smallest amount of car necessary to accommodate it. This, too has been honed into a sledgehammer of a vehicle. This thing can rearrange time and space around it; IIRC it's produced not much short of 200mph on public roads int he past. Seemed a bit poorly on the day but limped off her axle stands later on to make some extreme noise terror down the strip





The Swedes are not necessarily a race you'd expect to be gatecrashing our English tea party on the prom, but when they're as well-finished as this wonderful Amazon, why the hell not?







Equally incongruous, for different reasons, was the slightly bizarre spectacle of a Bentley Arnage wafting up to the line so quietly you could hardly tell it was running. Until it shot off at a surprising rate of knots



Oh yeah, there's some money around here, too. This Aston was, near as I could tell, just some competitor's support car they'd pottered down in that morning. Nice. The Frosts, who are perrennial sponsor of the event, are of course like the car-dealing equivalent of Don Corleone's family. Not to say that they insert decapitated equine remnants into your boudoir, but rather that they're a significant dynasty in the area with a couple of quid to splash about. If I vanish now, check the concrete supports for the new bypass, yeah?



This was a bit odd. I can't even recall the last time I saw an Austin 1800, let alone one in as showroom a condition as this one. And the last time I saw one compete in motorsports? errmmm... probably none of us can recall that one, cos I'm not convinced it ever happened. Unlikely contender. Not fast, but great to see, especially in such good nick







No show, race, competition, cruise, gathering or any other form of meet involving cars of any genre is apparently complete without at least one Cobra. The Speed Trials is no exception. I'm not sure what flavour of replica this one is, but I did rather like it. The black wheels make it look hard and kinda Hot Wheels-ey and I love the home-made ally tape trumpet mesh doobries... like a more token attempt at air filtration is hard to imagine but they're so neat and cute, lol






more to come, but I've run out of cider for now. Stay tuned, groovers

[KiwiDave]

Intrepid reporting as ever Nik! Just a comment on the Austin 1800 Landcrab (or AD017 as it was known internally). It distinguished itself quite reasonably in the 1968 London to Sydney Marathon (2nd Overall) (won by a certain Andrew Cowan in a Hillman Hunter) https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j ... 23pO8fg2-Q
and three of the things took Top 20 placings in the 1970 London to Mexico World Cup Rally!

[Lucky]

As always, I stand amazed before your encyclopedic knowledge of obscure rally trivia, Dave

[Rexi84]

Excellent report as ever.
i have been going to this event for 4 or 5 years now and it never fails to amaze, good mix of cars and people
Usually make a weekend out of it and haven't been disappointed yet.
Im liking the cortina with added duct tape to the bonnet, im guessing that was there fix after the bonnet decided to wave to the crowd and nearly made a bit for freedom as it took off on one of its earlier runs, atleast it didnt take the windscreen or roof out at the same time.
My favourite was the porsche 356, genuine or not it was very tasty.

[Lucky]

Missed that! Sounds like the poor ol' Cortina had an eventful day then


It's important that the Speed Trials were resurrected for this year. Not just because they are the oldest timed motorsport event in the country, but also because of what this represents. They were closed three years ago, ostensibly following the tragic death of a competitor after a sidecar crash. However, as anyone from the area knows, Brighton and Hove Council hate, loathe and despise the motorist with a passion usually reserved in society for child molesters. If they could they'd eradicate the scourge of powered vehicles from the city in its entirety. hence the appalling state of neglect of the roads, insane traffic "calming" schemes and the proposed city-wide blanket 20mph limit. Like, you can exceed 20mph as it is...

All kinds of spurious excuses have been trotted out as to why the Speed Trials couldn't be re-instated; the subsidance under Madeira Drive (get some engineers in to fix it then), the dodgy state of the balcony level (seemed adequate to host the Olympic cycling), the unsuitability of the road surface (due to neglect) etcetera and so on ad infinitum. An online petition seems to have finally swung it in favour of the Trials, and not before time. That's why I feel it essential to support it because if it was gone forever it'd be one more erosion of uniqueness in our society and a further step along the tedious slide into utter homogeneity.

Anyway, Brighton want your money, even if they don't want your cars, and it's a great destination for a day out. The Boy was happy just with a train ride to be honest, could have turned round and gone straight home but then you're missing out on the plenty the city has to offer besides being (paradoxically) a home for plenty of motoring events; the Trials themselves, the Veteran run, the Ace Cafe run, so on. Anyway, some local spots en route just to add the scene

The Eye isn't quite up to the London one, but it's still an impressive piece of engineering



These arches once featured in the excellent scene film Quadrophenia, should you need any further context beyond they wonderful Victorian grandeur they convey. Now clubs, cafes and art galleries, they convey the bohemian flavour of the city



These cassettes appear as graffiti all over the city, often on the green telephone junction cases on street corners. No idea why



The Boy's favourite was this Star Wars scene, especially the Death Star sinking into the sea



On the Prom walking in there are the usual attractions of the Pier with its amusement park out in the sea, the bikers meeting place and of course the local loonies such as this pretty astonishing piece of ...ermmm.. art? At first I thought it was an automaton, but it's actually a bloke in there, dressed as a wizard, sprayed copper and apparently floating free of the ground. He was there as we wandered into the Trials in the morning and still there about six hours later when we left. That's dedication to your art!





And there are plenty of pavement artists and suchlike as well. This dog was a pile of sand when we went in



On top of all this nonsense, the bustling city offers all you could wish for in terms of variety in shopping, eating, pretty much everything. You can even manage interesting car spots just ambling around, such as this moment of someone's happiest day we shared in, lol. Extra points to anyone who can tell us what this limousine is?



All the while you're actually under Madeira Drive you still get an excellent view out to sea with all the frame of the prom and the Pier(s) to marvel at. Maybe this seems like I'm doing a bit of a travel agents job here, but put it into context; most motoring events are at a field in the middle of nowhere, a soulless racetrack, or somewhere like the Pod which is about as desolate a place as you'll find this side of the third circle of Hell. To spectate somewhere like the heart of Brighton makes for a special juxtaposition you just don't get anywhere else. And if you tend towards the gothic gloomy side of life, there's desolation here if you want it



right, that's enough scene waffle then. Shall we get back to the cars?

There are always a few supercars dotted throughout the field at the Trials; I've seen Carrera GTs here, all flavours of Ferrari and of course Lamborghinis. On this occasion, a spyder Aventador was representing. Vulgar, modern and overblown though it might be, you can't help but give it a bit of "wow". And the Boy loved it, which is always a mark of quality











at the opposite end of the supercar timeline and no doubt owned originally by the 1920s equivalent of the sort of people who buy Aventadors today, we have a pair of vintage Bentley 4.5 litre sportsters. These cars were built in 1928 and 1925 respectively and I think it's pretty special that they're still competing in motorsport just like W.O. would have wanted almost a century later







Simply because it doesn't fit in elsewhere too well and I don't want to lose my place, have a nice Capri. I've seen this one here before too... as the event is administered by the Brighton and Hove Motor Club, it tends to attract the same cars year on year; members, friends of members, cars they know will represent suitably and so on. IIRC this features a lovely Cosworth 2.9l v6 installation

[Lucky]

I like a nice Miata... eunos roadster...MX-5. Whatever you want to call it. The MkI has bcome a bit ubiquitous on the show scene of late, so it's nice to see a MkII getting a bit of modding juice spurted over it, too. In this case, a chrome wrap. And as I've mentioned, I take a seven-year old around with me (don't worry, it's my own one) as the ultimate arbiter of whether something is cool or not. Judging by how long The Boy was mesmerised by this MkII like a cat with a torch beam, I reckon it's safe to say it's cool







Self-portrait via the medium of shiny MX-5;



I didn't get a chance to quiz the owner of this... The Boy was whinging about being tired by the time we got back to it... so I've no idea if it's genuine or not. And to be honest, I don't really care. What it is, is utterly gorgeous. How could anyone fail to be moved by the extravagant swoops of a DBR1? Sooooooo pretty!









I alluded to the glorious British tradition of creating ludicrous competition machinery in the garden shed. Clarkson would no doubt only mention this in order to then pour withering scorn and contempt on them, but I say vive le difference, and long may this tradition of eccentric genii seeing a way of improving the breed through intense cross-breeding in the back garden, preferably involving a lot of fibreglass fumes and weld sunburn. Perhaps one of the ultimate expression of this is the long-lived but never mainstream Davrian undertaking. Nice to see a couple of examples of their work here today, an orange MkVII and a blue MkVIII





For a change, the scene wasn't rammed with MkI Escorts, which seem to be if anything more ubiquitous now than they were back in the 70s. However, we all love a bit of the Blue Oval's finest... things are usually popular for a reason after all... so I'm willing to go as far as a nifty MkII. The imacculate presentation that seems such a mantra for the Ford boys very much in evidence





Oh all right, just the one then. Rally slag look, of course



There were a lot of Lotus... errmm Lotii...ahhh lotusses? Yeah, them. Which is interesting, given how tritely people love to trot out the old unreliability myth. OK, so it's not actually a myth, that implies no basis in fact, lol. Anyway, at opposing ends of the timescale, we have a lovely old Europa breadvan and a brand spankers Exige. Many years between, same ethos at the fore; light weight, tupperware body, horrifically uncomfortable, annoyingly quick, daft little engine punching way above its weight and embarrassingly difficult to get in and out of. What's not to like? More Lotii later





A lot of Ferrari designs break the styling mold and need time to grow into. By their very nature they need to challenge convention to maintain their place at the cutting edge, as well as offering stupid aerodynamic advantage they also need to provide shock and awe to the masses. Sometimes this can result in a design that isn't really validated except by the passage of time and somehow transcends becoming stale. I suspect the La Ferrari will be one of these, for example. What did surprise me was how dated the F360 looked, especially in black. It really was quite anonymous in this company, which maybe proves my point given it was one of the more conventional and acceptably pretty Fezzas in its own time. Or maybe I'm talking drivel



One Ferrari that never goes out of fashion is the F40, however. Never exactly pretty in its day, its never dated because it was never in fashion. As Coco Chanel so perceptively stated "Fashion changes but style endures". I've almost run out of superlatives for F40s over the years of doing these threads, but this time I managed to notice something I never have before. Despite that in profile or from a distance the almost-perfect and apparently smooth aerofoil profile of the car is all you see, I fluked a photo from a certain angle that shows just how much of the rear of the car is actually just holes. Once more, I was left marvelling at just what an astonishing piece of engineering and aerodynamic triumph this car really is. Carbon kevlar seats make me distinctly moist. Boot carpet-covered dash less exotic, but brutally purposeful and efficient

[Lucky]

Shall we look at a few bikes then? I know a lot of people glaze over a bit when we goo onto two wheels but as my first love I make no excuses and hopefully we can share some moments now that might make you think twice. Or just tune in again in a couple of posts when we're back on four wheels, if you must.

Old-style Bonneville street racer in a slightly American flavour. Very reminiscent of the flat-track style Harleys beloved of Evel Knievel and seen blatting around dirt ovals in every hick town across the midwest. Bizarrely, much of Triumph's market was in America so I guess this cross-breed is just as authentic as a "proper" caff racer



A more modern take on going fast; a turbo Hayabusa warming the tyres. On the strip this is the ultimate street-class weapon. On a public road (which this is the other 364 days of the year) it's a bit like a bumblebee in a jam jar. Difficult not to bounce off the sides!



There were a lot of very retro Hondas around. This CR750 is pretty much what bikes looked like when I used to doodle them on my schoolbooks



unlike this CX650 Eurosport Turbo, which is so hideously ugly and deformed it looks like nothing on earth. Maybe the illegitimate offspring of a camel and an Imperial Stormtrooper. The original CX "Plastic Maggot" was never the most handsome of vehicles, selling mostly on utilitarian ruggedness, but when re-designed it possibly got even uglier. And then Honda decided to join the trend for turbocharging and being Honda, nothing is ever easy or straightforward. Rather than follow the other three Japanese manufacturers and turbo the UJM (acronym for "Universal Jap Motorcycle" i.e. an across-the-frame DOHC four) which would have been a lot more straightforward, they chose the humble Maggot as the platform for forced induction. The engine layout of longitudinal V-twin couldn't have been more unsuited to the plumbing needed, and the flexi-flyer chassis and shaft final drive hindered the bike further. The handling was always questionable, now rendered positively hostile. But becos Honda, they insisted on being different just for the sake of it and the Turbo CX outsold and outlasted all the other Japanese turbo bikes. The original bikes had a big "OBRUT" sticker on the top fairing so people could read in their rear-view mirror what it was that was about to go horribly out of control and ram them up the wazoo. This one seems to have replaced it with a right-way round version, sadly





Say what you like about Ducati's wayward MotoGP efforts... arguably people like Stoner were only successful on one because even he never quite knew where he was aiming so it was easy to baffle the bike... but you have to respect them bringing it to the street. While other manufacturers bleat on about the trickle-down of technology from racing to the road and then try to persuade you to buy some ersatz watered-down sportster with fuel economy and emissions as primary concerns, Ducati said "sod that" and screwed some lights and a numberplate onto a genuine GP missile. The Desmosedici might not be the outright fastest bike or the most handlingest, but it's pretty close on being the most special. Especially given the noise it makes, like angels singing Rammstein's greatest hits. Desmosedici refers to the number and operation of the valve gear; a desmodromic system eschews valvesprings and positively opens and closes the valves with rockers. This makes for a more consistently accurate valve actuation even at high revs (allegedly) and has been trialed by many manufacturers over the years, though only Ducati have really persevered and made it work







Here's a slightly more unusual use of a Ducati. Revered for their handling prowess, it's a rare sight to find one turned into an outright dragster. Likewise, reliability has never been a strong suit of the Italian marque, so trusting one to hold together under the incredible stress of drag racing is a leap of faith to say the least. Still, this 916 certainly holds the attention. And yeah, it's fast!



Ducati started off with small-capacity bikes (like so many marques) but were always small-volume production so it's rare to see their earlier offerings. That makes it even more of a treat to find not one, but two bevel-drive 250s here at the Trials. The bevel-drive refers to the power take-off from the crank to the valve gear; it's always been a feature of dukes that they pioneered engineering solutions beyond the norm to solve the issues of wayward valve actuation. One of these bikes even had a great little windowed cover so you could see the bevel gears whizzing round as it ran. Awesome. And such pretty little bikes









The 500/4 Honda and little sister 400/4 were the cool dudes street bike of the day when I first got into bikes. Dresda were, and are, one of the Holy Grail names in chassis engineering, making Triumphs, Hondas and all sorts from triumphs (arf) of engine output over handling into something you could put into a corner and reasonably expect to come out the other side pointing the same way you went in and not wearing the bike as a rather far-out kind of hat. This Dresda 500/4 stirs a primal urge in my loins





Douglas are a famous old marque probably most famous for the "Dragonfly", a bike so named because the twin pistons were in a boxer formation and stuck out from the side of the bike like the eyes of a dragonfly. This is a layout still campaigned by BMW today on their R-series engine, most famously in the Gelande-Strasse bikes used by Obi wan Kenobi and Charley Boring on Long Way Round. However, before the Dragonfly, Douglas mounted the engine transverse crank rather than longitudinally. This made the bike very long and low, with the long wheelbase and super-low centre of gravity making it very hard to turn. Also they were ferociously unreliable and servicing of the rear cylinder was compromised by access, not to mention overheating problems due to being out of the airstream. Also problems packaging the gearbox and turning the drive through 90º meant everyone breathed a sigh of relief when they turned the engine round. However, they make for fascinating viewing now, as this pair of 20s bikes show. All the pushrods and valvegear are out on display, along with the gearbox and flywheel. With all that metal whizzing around between your legs, it must be hard for the pilot to concentrate!









Vincent were the original coiners of the term "superbike" and indeed Stevenage's finest really still qualifies today. The Black Shadow was a 130mph+ bike in the 1950s, with super-modern features such as adjustable suspension, engine as a stressed member meaning no conventional frame was necessary, disc brakes and high-compression heads. Make no mistake, these things were, and are, weapons.. despite the irritating midget Hammond's inability to get to grips with one. This is the only way to improve one, really; with input from legendary frame builder and handling gurus Egli. Beautiful, potent, and extremely valuable, this is the two-wheeled equivalent of Eagle Speedster E-types





In fact, there are always a contingent of Vinnies that come over from the Continent for the Trials, and here they are. The single-cylinder Rapide, maybe, but equally sexy and even more awesome for having been ridden here



It's Hollywood myth that in Top Gun Tom Cruise had to have a GPz 750 rather than the top-line 1000 or 1100 because the little fella couldn't reach the floor on the bigger bikes. Dunno whether that's true or not, though its funny if it is. For the longest time the Geep was the ultimate street bike; fastest and most modern and the longevity of the model range proved the desirability, even when it gained a big "Z" suffix with the move to modern stuff like watercooling! Even the GPZ350 with its chocolate camshafts couldn't blot the image of the hallowed name. I love them, even slightly gruesome ones like this 750



A gold star was awarded in the glory days of Brooklands circuit for any vehicle that could lap at over 100mph. The Birmingham Small Arms factory managed this feat in 1937 in the hands of Wal Handley aboard one of their top of the line Empire Star bikes, and BSA promptly adopted the Gold Star appellation to their competition and range-topping offerings. Small wonder this one wears its livery with such pride! Stripped out Jim Lee racer is a tool, and not a pretty one





The original Honda Gold Wing was a very different animal to the aerial and light-festooned menopausal two-wheeled Winnebago we see today. The original 70s version was simply a large, lazy boulevard cruiser with a few innovative features (under-seat petrol tank, unique boxer four engine) but no hint as to the bloated behemoths it would spawn. This cafe-racer styled stripped down bike shows what it could have been had it not turned down an evolutionary blind alley into overwhelming naffness. And it's awesome



This Greeves two-stroke arrested my attention, and not just because two-strokes are awesome by nature anyway. The owner was happy to chat and confirmed that the feature I'd spotted was pretty much unique on a production bike of its day. Can you see what I'm on about?



Yep, bowden-cable operated stirrup brakes just like on your pushbike! He claimed that they were actually very effective but I dunno if I'd trust them to stay consistent and fade-free. I think there's probably a good reason brakes evolved from drums to discs and never really wandered into bicycle technology en route!



Right, that's enough bikes for now. I don't want to spoil you, lol. We'll have another look at our two-wheeled brothers later!

[Lucky]

Right, so back on four wheels then. Me likey these new F-Type Jags. Hopefully Jaguar will sell all they can make and reclaim their place as a world power of stylish speed. Only thing that leaves me undecided is the wheel style, which jars a bit with the swoopy bodywork. In my humble. Ceramic brakes retrieve a fair chunk of kudos, mind







It seems mad that from 1960 the Ford Fairlane was re-purposed as a mid-sized platform, making room for the Galaxie as the full-size car in the range. Bonkers, when it takes a week to walk round one and it's just about the biggest car here. Never mind, this is down-sizing American style. Ford ethos of never spending a single cent on unique tooling when the parts bin could be raided instead means marvellous period touches like the rocket thruster rear lights remain untouched. "Only" a baby 289 cu in motor... a mere 4.7 litres. This was the top of the range motor in the fourth-gen Fairlane, as commemorated by the wing badges









I don't know about this next little bonkers car. I'm aware of the Gianini enterprise making competition small-volume rockets out of Fiats small rockets, but I honestly don't know if this little 500 roadster is one of theirs. There were a couple of Gianini 500 offerings but I don't remember seeing a roofless one before. Whatever, its a hilarious cheeky little car, so endearing. Although anyone over five foot six will probably need goggles to drive it







Another Porsche 911 Flatnose, then. Rather more in line with the performance and quality ethic of the factory than our earlier brutal example. I guess the styling divides opinion but for me I prefer it to the normal 911 profile, not least because cars with pop-up headlights are just cooler. They just are. Really.





Always got time for a Fulvia. I'm hopeless on the bewildering array of model designations on them, though. Suffice to say it's one of those cars I just admire the prettiness of and move on without trying to write a big waffling caption for. Ermm, unlike this one





here's a bit of a rare old thing next. Gilbern are another of those British conceived on a beermat, built in a shed enterprises. The brainchild of a retired butcher and a German composites engineer, the Gilbern company produced steel chassis to complement fibreglass shells and utilise the humble Brit engines and underpinnings readily available for cheaps. The GT was their first car, using either the ubiquitous A-Series engine or the more perky Coventry Climax and Austin A35 suspensions. Later models offered an MGB B-Series lump and even supercharger options. The body was a single-piece moulding, supplied ready-trimmed from the factory. In the spirit of the hands-on build approach of the cars, it's nice to see this one has been so tidily modified and prepared, down to neat touches like the American-style rear window blow-out straps. Only a couple of hundred were ever made in the late 50s and early 60s, so this is a survivor car and it's great to see it in such good condition









From similar origins, the Ginetta factory has gone from strength to strength whilst Gilbern and others have faded away, killed by VAT being added to kit cars. Ginetta still rock in GT competition and on the street and even earlier models like this G33 can be potent track weapons in the right hands. Another car perhaps out of its comfort zone on the straightline, show it a set of twisties and watch it vanish

[Lucky]

Hands up anyone who doesn't love TVRs? You don't what the hell's wrong with you? Lightweight, superb chassis, bonkers excess of engine and zany styling combine to make a powerful argument. Probably the one that first really set the seal on TVR as a watchword for "insanity" was the Griffith, a car that really only the brave need apply for. It looks like it'd hurt you just standing still





There are as many rumours about TVR resurrections as there are that Mazda will finally get off the pot and make the RX-9. Sadly, I fear both are equally unlikely, but we can dream. If the firm stay dead, what better way for them to have exited than on the glorious madness of the Sagaris styling exercise? Like nothing else before or since... except maybe another TVR









The T350c was a development of the Tamora that ultimately the Sagaris was based on. So it runs the TVR Speed Six engine with similar body shape to the later cars. The Speed Six was only rated to 175mph. Only. In a car with no driver aids and that weighed about the same as one of Cara Delvigne's dry stools





Funny to think the same firm once messed about with cutesy little things like the Vixen with 88hp Ford Kent motors and Cortina pie-plate lights! (None of these are a bad thing, by the way!)



The Speed Trials, like many more static shows, is always a good place to check out some really high-quality replicas. The Cobras make up a goodly number, because if you want a cheap(ish) performance car in period then it's difficult to beat. Lotus Seven reps from a bewildering profusion of manufacturers also proliferate. And of course, there are the GT40s. I confess to a certain degree of ambivalence towards replicas. Whilst one part of me dislikes the idea of something pretending to be what it isn't, on the other hand, there's no way most owners of such rare high-echelon genuine cars are going to be risking them firing them along a prom lined with ironmongery and having greasy-fingered proles rub their belt buckles along them. So, I guess gratitude is owed to the sort of people who build faithful reps in their sheds and allow us to at least get a glimpse of what some of the most awesome racing cars ever built were like. and in the case of the Gulf liveried one, it's even painted in the "proper" colours. The Boy liked very much the tennis ball aircleaner strategy, too













I guess the subject of replicas for me really falls down to whether it's pretending to be something it isn't, on whether something is a homage or a fake. Nobody really believes when they see a "427 Cobra" that it's one of the fifty five multi-million dollar originals and that seems OK cos it's not really a lie. I suppose it's like seeing Nurburgring stickers on the back of mummy's Vauxhall Corsa when the nearest it's ever been to the Eiffel Mountains was Clackett Lane Services. When you see Mustang "Shelby GT350s" that aren't even fastbacks you start to wonder if some things should just be left alone. But then, is a sensitive replica more worthwhile than an original that's been massively adulterated from its initial spec? Most GT350s only had a rocker stripe and almost all have since had the front-to-rear Le Mans stripe added. They had boot-mounted batteries that have often been re-re-located due to fuming problems. Is cutting in LED tailights an act of barbarism on such a valuable and rare car (592 1965 Shelby GT350s only) or is it a much-needed modern boost to old-school technology and style? Likewise, Shelby updated the Mustang Falcon-based axle to a Galaxie one for strength; is it acceptable to update it to a more modern axle that offers disc brakes rather than the Galaxie drums? Or replaces the radiator with a bigger alloy one? Who knows, and who can gainsay someone who keeps their car useable in the face of decay and progress? I don't know, and I don't care even if this is a copy or not. Do you? Can you tell?









One thing you can be sure has never been copied is something as awkward as the Alfa GTV. One good reason being that the styling is so calamitous that it only works on some strange subconscious level. I've never heard anyone say they dislike it, but no-one ever seems to be able to say why. My favourite part is the "GTV" cut-out rear C-pillar vent that lets rainwater and salt into the unplated steel of the inner structure. Hmm, wonder why that never caught on



You sometimes feel that Nissan would be better off building games consoles nowadays because their cars have increasingly more to do with an electronic hand-held than a source of automotive pleasure. I have to say, I find even older generations of GTR a curiously unmoving experience; having been in some that make going preposterously fast a strangely uninvolving and detached experience, I can't really say I understand the appeal. I'd rather go slightly less fast but feel I earned it personally. But then, I guess this is no different to any of the current crop of electronically-mastered sports offerings from other manufacturers. I guess Nissan fall down on perception of premium; Porsche and Mercedes and especially the Italians have made an artform out of making their buyers feel like they're in a very special place, whereas the Japanese still couldn't seem to give a damn if their car buyers are sitting in a hole as black as a coal bunker on seats as harsh as sisal floor mats and facing a dashboard as unyielding and expensive as a Blue Peter egg-box special project. But then, they're selling them at 50 grand less than cars noticeably slower in the real world, so who gets the last laugh? All they need to do now is make them feel slightly more like the driver is actually a part of the process of driving because to be honest at the moment my desire isn't all that great...





One of The Boy's favourite old cars is the Frogeye Sprite (his sister loves them too, though she calls them "Throbeyes" which conjours a whole other image). I guess because they're so cute and immediately recognisable. He was rather disappointed, therefore, that this example of Healey was one of the non-frogeye models. But it does look great with the Healey signature side scallop contrasting colour panel





I mentioned a while ago that there are always loads of Lotus Sevens around in various flavours. Maybe it's sinful of me as an alleged petrolhead, but I probably ought to confess at this point that rather like Skylines...sorry, GTRs... they just don't really move me. I know, I know, a million zillion owner/builders of Caterhams, Westfields, et al can't be wrong. They just don't blow my skirt up, sorry. But in order to maintain some pretence of impartiality and positivity, here's a token bit of one. Mainly because it was nice to see the old Austin lump in an apparent never-ending procession of Duratecs



We've already seen opposing ends of the Lotus spectrum, so how about a few from the middle?Any kind of MkI Cortina is a rare enough sight nowadays, so a Lotus one is even nicer. I never even knew there were different versions of these, I gather the originals had a scary version of live rear axle that made the extra twin-cam power a real handful to reign in. All I really know is my uncle had one and I thought it was the coolest thing ever at the time







The Elite is another rarer beast from the Lotus stable. IIRC it was massively innovative by Lotus as the entire monocoque was GRP, with only minimal steel subframe and roll-over hoop strengthening and was thus arguably the first true fibreglass "mass-produced" car as the Corvette had a steel ladder chassis. I wonder if it was a prestigious job being the bloke at the Coventry factory who had the task of soldering and punching the Godiva medallions onto the rocker boxes of all the Climax engines. Probably had to have twenty years at the factory to get that one







While the earlier-featured MX-5 "cheated" and used new wunder-polymer technology in a chrome wrap for it's mirror finish, this Lotus MkVI did it through the traditional method of good old-fashioned bloody hard work! Often a used car, a daily or a competition car, will have either the engine bay or the exterior cosmetically sorted but often not both... maybe it's a side effect of the work that goes into them having a finite limit... so it's nice to see one immaculate inside and out. The hours that must have gone into polishing all the seams in the alloy so they're only visible when you look really hard... well, I'm pretty OCD about attention to detail but this one blew me away! And yeah, The Boy, too









This MGB Turbo looked like it was going to be a suitable rival for best prep inside-and-out until you noticed the spreading puddle of green fluid underneath it. Yep, either the owner's lunchtime pea soup was spilled, or it was weeing itself gently and unobtrusively with coolant rather like the drunk on the bus at lunchtime bus trying to relieve some of his load of Tennents Super without having to get out in the cold and lose his seat. Hell of a car, despite this glitch, mind you





Everyone loves a Mini, don't they? And if not, maybe it's best if you shuffle out now quietly with the TVR haters because all the rest of us love a Mini. Havign recently been forced by Madame le Jo to drive Nigel the BMW Mini Cooper S, I have to admit I even like the new ones... much as I sooooooo desperately wanted to hate it! One of the beautiful things about the originals, though is that they've been around and been meddled with in so many ways over the decades that there really is one to suit every taste. From the wide-arch but street-acceptable blue beastie to the track weapon held together with stickers, there's a sporting package to suit every taste. And then, randomly parked up on the way out of Madeira Drive, a lovely old Woody Traveller in just the correct shade of Seventies Fag-Butt Brown. Splendid. I'll have the wagon, thanks